My Commish Rules

Last Place Punishments

Live. Last. Love.

A Rule About Last Place Punishments

You know how when you walk into any Baby Boomer’s house, you immediately get bombarded with an array of quasi-motivational sayings embroidered on pillows, stamped on coasters, and hung in picture frames? Sayings like “Keep Calm and Carry On”, or “Bless this Mess”, or “Home is Where the Heart Is”. Unsettling. Who are these things even supposed to motivate anyway? Them? You, the visitor? Honestly, the giant “Live. Laugh. Love.” glued to your living room wall is stressing me out, Karen! 

 

Let’s all come together to finally and definitively declare wall words as they are – just the worst. And in our minds, it’s only fitting that the worst in our leagues should have to display the worst decorations on the market. Those owners will certainly need some of that cursive motivation after our Live. Last. Love. Rule.

 

How It Works

In addition to being just downright ugly to the point that they will throw off the entire room’s feng shui, these wall words can serve a secondary purpose as an omnipresent reminder of your terrible fantasy season. Generally, this decoration should be something the last place owner is ashamed to display openly. Be sure to stipulate in the rules that they promptly deliver on displaying it and that they have it in a prominent position somewhere. Have them hang it in their living room. Put it in their man cave/she shed.. Do they work in an office? Make them take it to work and hang it in their cubicle. 

 

Operationally, this can be as simple or as complex as you want to make it. As the Commish, you could literally just have Amazon ship one of the items on the list below and force the last place team to hang it up somewhere. Or you could put a few options up to a league vote and create a whole set of rules around where and for how long the last place team must keep the item displayed. All we know for certain is that it should be highly visible and heavily documented via social media and whatever your league uses to communicate and talk trash.

 

Nuts and Bolts

Change Ups

As far as paying for this, you could siphon a couple dollars off of everyone’s league dues to purchase the decoration. Or you could probably take the minor cost hit as the return on investment will be huge. 

 

Adapt this punishment to fit the style of your league. Are your leaguemates the type of people that would get offended by using the word “suck”? Switch the punishment to something less offensive or just find new leaguemates. 

 

Last place punishments are applied in leagues that have championship trophies (or better yet – championship belts). The outstanding contrast between the glory of hoisting that belt and the defeat of hanging up a Live. Laugh. Love. decoration cannot be overemphasized. Add a Last Place Punishment. Add a Champion Trophy. And be sure to add both.

 

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You're the Commish.
Make your own rules.

ACT A Fool

A Rule About Last Place Punishments

We could argue about whether or not standardized tests are ruining America’s education system all day. But, instead of doing that here, we’ll make the most of an unfortunate situation – by forcing one of our friends to take one of those very exact standardized tests. Why? Well because they are terrible at fantasy football. Sounds fun? We think it does too!

 

How It Works

Imagine: you just completed a rough 15 weeks of fantasy football, you went 2-13 and you just lost the Toilet Bowl Game to your annoying coworker Jeff. It can’t get any worse, right? WRONG, obviously. You just realized that at the beginning of the season, your leaguemates voted in a new Punishment where the last place owner has to retake the ACT. You had so much confidence in yourself, there was no way you were going to be the person taking that test. We think you were even quoted saying “American Collegiate Test? More like American Can’t-win-three-games Test?“ Ufff, ouch, that hurts.

 

Facilitating this Rule is fairly simple. The Commish can probably find an old ACT practice exam at a thrift shop somewhere or you can order the same ones that all the cool kids are doing nowadays here. The Commish, or some other league owner who is available, should be there while the last place owner takes the exam to ensure that there’s no funny business. There’s a lot riding on the final test score!

 

Nuts and Bolts

  • As with any Last Place Punishment, make sure all league owners are on board to participate
  • Get your hands on an old ACT Exam
  • The owner who takes last place in the league, takes the ACT Exam. No test prep allowed!
  • The Commish or other league owner should preside over the last place owner taking the exam.

Change Ups

You probably know by now that we at MyCommishRules will take literally any opportunity to gamble – this occasion is obviously no different. Have faith that the last place owner can conquer this measly college entrance exam? Put $10 on it. Or more likely, think the owner will land a score somewhere in the mid-teens that wouldn’t have even go them accepted into the local community college? Put $20 on it. What’s the over-under?

 

Actually taking the exam is bad, but having to be the person there to proctor it? Not much better, honestly. We suggest making that a punishment as well. Maybe second-to-last should have that honor? Better yet, have your whole league get in on the fun and have the scores of the exams determine next year’s draft order!

 

Related Rules

You're the Commish.
Make your own rules.

Loser, Loser, Buy My Dinner

A Rule About Last Place Punishments

In the NFL, you hear about how poorly rookies get treated by league veterans – kids backpacks, locking them out of the facility, etc. But, one of our favorite hazing shenanigans is when the newbies have to pick up the (usually very expensive) fancy steak dinner tab for those 350-lb lineman who have been in the league for 10+ years. This Rule is similar to that but instead of rookies picking up the tab, it’s the owner who took last place and instead of a fancy steak dinner, it’s more like McDonald’s. So maybe not all that similar really.

 

How It Works

For those leagues where all the owners are located in close geographic proximity, you probably (hopefully) get together to kickoff the season on Draft Day. Well, you can think of this as post-season party of sorts. Just as the title sounds – the owner who finds themselves at the bottom of the rankings when the season is all over, accepts their punishment to buy dinner for all the owners that are clearly much better than them.

 

While the NFL’s version of this is typically a three-course steakhouse dinner, do not feel obligated to go this far in your league. Hell, it could be a dinner of Spaghetti-os and boxed wine for all we care. The point is really to shed a glaring light on how bad the last place owner was at fantasy football this year.

 

If you find yourself feeling sympathy for the poor sap who takes last place and feel weird about making them FORK out a PLATEFUL of DOUGH for a league dinner. You could supplement the last place owner’s contribution to the meal with a small dollar amount paid by all other participating owners – say $5 per person or something. In a 10-person league, that’s an extra $45 for the last place owner to use to pay the total bill and is a small price to pay for some good ol’ fashion ridicule.

 

Nuts and Bolts

  • Generate league consensus on introducing this Last Place Punishment.
  • Agree on the terms when, where, and how expensive the dinner will be. Clarity early on is key to reducing any future backlash.
  • Decide if owners will contribute any portion to the total cost of the year-end prize.
  • Do whatever you can to not take last place!

Change Ups

If it’s just too difficult to get all the owners in one place after the season is over, carry this punishment over into the new season and have the last place owner supply snacks and/or drinks for next year’s Draft Day Celebration.

 

Or call an audible and swap out “dinner” for “bar tab” or “keg” or “15-minute back massages” or whatever else.

 

Related Rules

You're the Commish.
Make your own rules.

Donate to Charity

A Rule About Last Place Punishments

Losing sucks but philanthropy rules. As we’ve mentioned previously on this website, fantasy football is the perfect excuse to raise money for a good cause. Here are at least a couple good reasons to divert some of those league dues for charity: 1) you are doing a good thing 2) you can troll the poor soul who took last place in the league by making the donation in their name.

 

How It Works

Winners get paid, second place gets paid, maybe even the regular season champion gets a little payout. But what about the owner who brings up the rear of the standings with that 3-10 record? What do they get?

 

Nothing. Still nothing.

 

However, you can still be somewhat sympathetic to their position on the leaderboard. They really are a charity case, afterall. A loss in your league can literally be the gain for some good cause.

 

Before the season, discuss changing the payout structure of your league to siphon an amount equal to the league dues out for the purposes of this donation. As an example, let’s say your league dues are $50 in a 10-team league. The total amount of dues collected will be $500. After taking $50 out of that amount for the last place donation, your league’s payout structure would then split the remaining $450 across winning owners.

 

Some people will probably gripe about the reduced payouts for those owners who actually do well during the season, but in the end, can you really argue against donating to charity? Besides, you will already never hear the end of it from the champion of the league. They probably deserve a lower winning payout anyway.

 

Nuts and Bolts

  • Prior to the start of the season, agree to a payout structure that includes a donation to a charity of your choice.
  • After the final week, start to brainstorm potential charities that would be perfect given the last place owner and their team.
  • Be sure to document the transaction and any of the forthcoming thank you letters in the league’s group chat for continued laughs and warm-fuzzies.

Change Ups

Open up a poll for all league owners to vote on which charity the donation will be made to. If at all possible be sure to select a charity that is “near and dear” to the last place owner’s heart – whether the charity and its mission is of a real or perceived importance to the last place owner is up for you to decide.

 

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You're the Commish.
Make your own rules.