Live. Last. Love.
A Rule About Last Place Punishments
You know how when you walk into any Baby Boomer’s house, you immediately get bombarded with an array of quasi-motivational sayings embroidered on pillows, stamped on coasters, and hung in picture frames? Sayings like “Keep Calm and Carry On”, or “Bless this Mess”, or “Home is Where the Heart Is”. Unsettling. Who are these things even supposed to motivate anyway? Them? You, the visitor? Honestly, the giant “Live. Laugh. Love.” glued to your living room wall is stressing me out, Karen!
Let’s all come together to finally and definitively declare wall words as they are – just the worst. And in our minds, it’s only fitting that the worst in our leagues should have to display the worst decorations on the market. Those owners will certainly need some of that cursive motivation after our Live. Last. Love. Rule.
In addition to being just downright ugly to the point that they will throw off the entire room’s feng shui, these wall words can serve a secondary purpose as an omnipresent reminder of your terrible fantasy season. Generally, this decoration should be something the last place owner is ashamed to display openly. Be sure to stipulate in the rules that they promptly deliver on displaying it and that they have it in a prominent position somewhere. Have them hang it in their living room. Put it in their man cave/she shed.. Do they work in an office? Make them take it to work and hang it in their cubicle.
Operationally, this can be as simple or as complex as you want to make it. As the Commish, you could literally just have Amazon ship one of the items on the list below and force the last place team to hang it up somewhere. Or you could put a few options up to a league vote and create a whole set of rules around where and for how long the last place team must keep the item displayed. All we know for certain is that it should be highly visible and heavily documented via social media and whatever your league uses to communicate and talk trash.
Nuts and Bolts
- Send leaguemates a few samples of the worst wall words you can find on the web. Here is a good list to get you started:
- Dabbing Unicorn “I Suck At Fantasy Football” Tapestry
- “Keep Calm and Play Football” Decorative Pillow
- This awful collection of Vince Lombardi quotes in clip art picture form
- “Eat. Sleep. Play (fantasy) Football” Wall Words
- The OG: “Live Laugh Love”
- “Fantasy Losers Lane” Street Sign
- “Lake Life” Sign for their home nowhere near a lake
- Have leaguemates vote on which one is fitting for a last place punishment.
- Divert a portion of league dues to purchase the item.
- The team that finishes in last place must display the item in a prominent place in their home or office until the next season.
- Pictures and social media posts are highly encouraged
As far as paying for this, you could siphon a couple dollars off of everyone’s league dues to purchase the decoration. Or you could probably take the minor cost hit as the return on investment will be huge.
Adapt this punishment to fit the style of your league. Are your leaguemates the type of people that would get offended by using the word “suck”? Switch the punishment to something less offensive or just find new leaguemates.
Last place punishments are applied in leagues that have championship trophies (or better yet – championship belts). The outstanding contrast between the glory of hoisting that belt and the defeat of hanging up a Live. Laugh. Love. decoration cannot be overemphasized. Add a Last Place Punishment. Add a Champion Trophy. And be sure to add both.